Concentrate on what you can do, not on what you can't

Happy Birthday to me. And also to day 108 of my healing process.

I have to be honest: I really didn't feel like celebrating this year. After a disastrous week, my mood was definitely not at its best and having more destabilising stimuli was the last thing I could think of. Three months and a half is a very long time for anyone, especially for someone like me who is used doing a thousand things and never stand still. Three months and a half can fly quickly and in this time a lot can change in our lives: new opportunities, new friendships, new projects, new goals, new loves. In three months and a half, however, it could also happen that very little or nothing changes, and the days seem extremely slow and blurred. It is easy to lose hope, patience and even the strength to remain positive in this waiting process that never appears to end.

In addition to that, you will probably experience the feeling of being misunderstood as others cannot see the problem you have and you find extremely difficult explaining to friends, family, work colleagues or even doctors how are you actually feeling. Well, being taken as mad or just anxious is one of the most frustrating aspect of having PPPD.

Accompanying symptoms such as difficulty concentrating, short-term memory loss, and a sensation of derealisation (feeing detached from the world) or depersonalisation (feeling detached from oneself) make all this even stronger and affect your mind and spirit in such a way that sometimes you end up believing others are right and you are in fact just crazy.

But that is not the case, because your neuro-vestibular disorder is a real diagnosis. And you are fighting to win over it.

Going back to celebrating, I decided to take a deep breath, inhaled good vibes and told myself that I could just as well do it in peace and quiet, in the nature, which always gives me so much satisfaction and answers. And so it was, and it was wonderful.

Thinking about it, there are always reasons to celebrate something and be grateful for what we have. Sometimes it's really hard to find the strength and motivation to go on, but we always have to try to find joy in the little achievements and surprises along the way, taking nothing for granted and realising that the real meaning of everything lies in this.

They say that we are not the sum of the events that happen to us, but the response we give to them. I am trying, with all the commitment, patience and perseverance I can muster, to dance under the rain. I miss my life, even more today, but I want it back and I will try my best.

So, always wake up with positivity. Maybe that little change you've been waiting for is there, holding out its hand and smiling at you. And then, in a second, you will find all the energy you thought you had lost; you take its hand and you let yourself be carried away without asking for anything more, but just fully enjoying the here and now, which you have never felt so much a part of you.

Whatever your path is, never stop believing in yourself. The world will not run away and neither will happiness, because it is within us. And it's our choice (thank you Sara Melotti for the strength and inspiration you give me everyday. And if you are looking for a nice book to read, I strongly suggest you to have a look at "La felicità e una scelta").

Thank you 💚 to everyone for the good wishes, but most of all for the huge support you give me and for being there, always.

Bangkok, Thailand, June 2015